Cogito ergo sum

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Location: Hong Kong

Lazy, Dreamy, Thoughtful, Confident, Hooked on to music, Big smile, A hopeless romantic - sounds like me!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

my experiments with truth...

i need the release. so here goes…

1. i am sure nobody will want enough to read thru 50 random truths about me.
2. i care more for emotional health. and i am afraid mine is not in a very beautiful state.
3 i am already conscious about starting every sentence with ‘i’, which i loathe most of the times. this post will be an exception, and i aint going to worry about it no more.
4. i feel lonely and frustrated right now, but something inside me whispers its gonna be alrite.
5. sometimes i feel that staying happy is all i care for, but then there are way too many strings attached to that. way more than i care to admit.
6. i can never be overtly selfish, no matter what good it will do to me. i always stop for a moment to think about consequences to others.
7. when something troubles me, i go into my shell, thinking about it over and over again. its hard for me to open up to others easily.
8. every time i want to find an answer, i reach it. well, almost every time.
9. i believe that there is god within me. within everyone.
10. after i bought my notebook, i haven’t been reading as much as i wud want to. and i hate that.
11. i haven’t found the one passion that i am willing to die for. maybe love is, but i don’t know yet. it should, but is not bothering me yet.
12. it’s a secret ambition of mine to publish a book on life, my view of its many magical aspects. i am sure i’ll get to it sometime.
13. spirituality and quantum physics interest me equally.
14. i feel sick about homosexuality. it’s a prejudice, but there it is, out in the open.i wouldn’t hate gays, i guess i just hate the idea. maybe i need to understand love more.
15. my friends say i am the laziest they have ever met, but i haven’t agreed to it yet.
16. home is where the heart is.
17. i love my brother more than anything else in this world.
18. i give only 50-60% at work. i still get lauded on most of the things i do at work.
19. i cant live without listening to music. call me a fool, but i’ve cried listening to songs.
20. beer could so easily be added to #19 above. i hate hard liquor.
21. being in love was the most blissful feeling i have experienced. falling out of love the most painful. even traumatic.
22. i keep trying to forget about what my ex did to me, but i fail miserably. every time.
23. i am still grateful to her for the good times, but can never forgive her for what she did. very unlike me, but it’s the truth.
24. i have a penchant for branded stuff.
25. i get turned on by tall females, females in red, females with long hair, females who smell good.
26. my friends tell me the easiest way to my heart is through my stomach, which could not be true.
27. i hate to lie. to anyone.
28. i have a monumental dislike for cigarettes.
29. i feel i’ve been very lucky in my life. and i’m grateful for that.
30. i think i think. too much. i’m not an impulsive person, but no regrets.
31. i’m so looking forward to my one month vacation in august. cant wait to be back home.
32. i feel happiest while shopping for the small ones in the family. i’m just 26 but missing childhood already. maybe i am growing up too fast.
33. i’d hate to live in a crazily paced city like ny or mumbai.
34. i think guilt is a very painful and cheap thing. sometimes i wish there was a ‘flush’ knob on the head which would just clear out all the nasty stuff.
35. sometimes i think i’ve erred with my cousin. but then, she was equally responsible. cant get it off though.
36. i firmly believe everything happens for a good reason. maybe that is my last straw of hope?
37. i used to have ambivalence about my religious beliefs. now i am more comfortable about it.
38. i believe that politics is a necessary evil. there is no getting around it.
39. my family and close friends sometimes make me feel like a hero. and i am not complaining.
40. i worry too much about my receding (or shud i say vanishing) hairline.
41. i know that it would not matter if its an arranged marriage or a love marriage, as long as you get to know the other person well enough.
42. i still have a burning desire to complete my masters in business administration.
43. i sometimes refer to vegetarian food as ‘grass’, though i don’t hate it.
44. i don’t care a lot about what people think about what i say or do.
45. i cant dance.
46. i learn languages fast. i’ve learned to read and write two languages on my own, by looking at hoardings and posters.
47. i hate coding, but i am a software project manager. i am good at my job.
48. i am very intuitive, which i am grateful for.
49. when i read that listing 50 things about myself will have a therapeutic effect, i was not very sure. i feel much better now.
50. there is nothing like love.

15 Comments:

Blogger || sbk || said...

Good Stuff Mate... I agree with u on most of the things..especially no.34...I could really use that flush knob to clear away the nasty stuff! Visited your site first time.. liked it.. will frequent more.Cheers!

9:18 PM  
Blogger Teleute said...

very honest. n at least, u kno fifty thngs abt urself. i don't think i do.

11:07 PM  
Blogger Rat said...

Heey !! Happy u did it. It really is therapeutic.

3:53 AM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

@ ||sbk|| : For the time being, CORONA is working as an alternative to the knob. But hey, its temporary. BTW, Congrazz on your engagement :)

@ teleute: hmmm....how do you know unless you try?

@ rat: Thanx 2 u sweet....yours gave me the spur :)

2:03 PM  
Blogger Subramaniam Avinash said...

cheers and tnks for visiting. don't get too cheerful, it's blinding. uber.

6:46 PM  
Blogger silverine said...

Hey this is good! Extremely therapeutic. I am gonna try the same, but dunno if i can be this honest:))

10:59 AM  
Blogger Subramaniam Avinash said...

tnks man, appreciate you visiting regularly. hope we get a chance to meet, someday, in real life. u seem like a thinker. and there aren't too many of them, us, left in the world :-) cheers, uber.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Sonia said...

OMG! you're like my male equivalent or something!
mebbe cos ure a leo too! I've actually said? the sentence " i love my sister more than anything else in the world!" except i also added "and she doesn't know".
but i feel the SAME way about most of the things, too many to actually specify! weird!

1:48 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

I wish if I had a
"delete log" option in my head too! :-)

12:57 AM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

@ iknowman : how i wish i had that kinda self-actualization ! but until i know, how do i convince myself? and abt ur last comment...i always feel i'm fighting with myself....right now with that part of my brain which makes me jealous whenever she gives more attention to him.

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DONT FIGHT IT. UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAS A LIFE TOO, A LIFE OF HER OWN AND SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THAT, EVER. SAME STORY WITH YOU. YOU MIGHT THINK THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE WAITING TO LOVE YOU 24/7 BUT IN THE REAL WORLD YOU WOULD FEEL TERRIBLE YOU YOU DID NOT HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE LIKE THAT. YOU ARE SUFFERING TO FIND A STABLE, PERMANENT PATH TO NON-STOP HAPPINESS AND AS YOU KNOW BY NOW, THERE IS NO SUCH THING. TAKE YOUR DAY AND DIVIDE IT INTO 10. DONT LOOK AT THE WHOLE THING AS ONE ENTITY BUT AS 10 DIFFERENT ONES AND TRY TO MAKE THE MOST OUT OF THE 1 PIECE. MAYBE THERE IS A TIME OF YOUR DAY WHEN YOU JUST SIT AND THINK ABOUT STUFF. DON'T DO IT ANYMORE, GO DO SOMETHING THAT WILL TAKE YOUR FULL ATTENTION. FOLLOW THE FORMULA WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU WILL FEEL POWERFULL AT LAST! - IKNOWMAN

10:08 PM  
Blogger Mint Chutney said...

First time here. I loved your list. Thanks for letting me get to know you!

1:00 PM  
Blogger kg said...

wow!
i never could agree more to all the 50 of points made

well...except point 12...writing book on me...i am too lazy for that
...corroborates point 15 ..dont it ;-)

6:42 PM  
Blogger Rimi said...

hey, this is a brilliant idea! since i've not even been able to decide on a 'five favourite books' list ever, this is going to be tough for me, but i am going to do it, i think...
need some focus on myself...

11:40 AM  
Blogger Lost in trance... said...

@ kg, lovebug: i dont think i'm lazy, i'm just @ equilibruim with myself n the surroundings...:)

@ rimi: go girl

@ mint: thankq, welcome :)

@ iknowman: sounds like a lot of effort to me...lol

8:38 AM  

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