y am i sad?

i've been trying to figure out a reasonably satisfying answer to this question for almost 2 days now....cant say i have covered -or uncovered( whatever suits you better)- much ground....the most strenous search of all is when you seek within yourselves.....there is just too many things happening, you dont know where to start....all you ask for is some level of focus, which, or lack of which, for all you know, could be the primary culprit anyway! its a vicious thing, all you gain in the circus is some heartache and depression and more often than not, an eating/drinking spree.....its shameful if you think abt it, not to have the level of control over yourself at these times....gives you seeds of thought, abt the better path and the easier path....its all very interesting, but then if you introduce laziness to the whole mix, you get a very potent and mindboggling situation...its like this whole new ballgame, with no rules attached....the game just drifts on and on, waiting for somebody to blow the whistle...or until extreme boredom takes over, which should bring with it a sweeping sense of awakening....that the easier path...i'm still trying to figure out the better path.